14 April, 2007

Saturday Recipe: Zucchini, Corn & Potato Tacos

[An actual mil-related post here. I know... amazing.]

Yeah, this one sounds kinda weird. But it's absolutely delicious.

Zucchini, Corn & Potato Tacos (6 servings)
adapted from Easy Dinners: Vegetarian

1 med red-skinned potato, cut into ½-inch cubes (about one cup)
2 med carrots, chopped
½ c chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 T olive oil
1 sm zucchini, cut into thin, bite-size strips (about 1¼ cups)
1 c frozen, whole-kernel sweetcorn
4 oz partially-defrosted Morningstar Farms Chick'n Strips, diced
1 T Mexican chili powder
½ t salt
dash ground black pepper
12 soft corn tortillas
1 c shredded cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese
1 avocado, sliced
spray oil
Optional: sliced green onions, sour cream

1. In a covered, medium sauce pan, cook the potato and carrots in a small amount of boiling water for 7-8 minutes or just until tender (don't overcook!). Drain and set aside.

2. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook and stir onion and garlic in hot olive oil over medium to high heat for 3 minutes. Add zucchini, corn and Chick'n Strips; cook and stir 3 minutes. Add chili powder, salt and pepper; cook and stir for one minute more. Gently stir in the potato mixture.

3. Lightly spray tortillas with oil and heat in frying pan, turning once, just until soft. To serve, fill tortillas with vegetable mixture. Top with cheese and avocado. If desired, serve with optional toppings.

FbL's suggestions: Have all ingredients chopped and spices assembled before beginning; I haven't tried it with the sour cream but it's solidly spicy, so some people might appreciate the cooling effect; the original recipe calls for 8 ounces of firm tofu, but the Chick'n Strips are vastly superior--of course, real chicken could be substituted.

I'm not sure exactly why, but this recipe strikes me as "cold weather food" that would be good with a mild soup or broth...

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13 April, 2007

Living with the Wounded

[Update below]

I started to respond to this in comments at the Castle, but it soon turned into a post of its own. The comment that inspired this was in made in the context of improved body armor likely resulting in more amputees and other wounded warfighters who will survive with severely disfiguring injuries:

I think part of the problem we're having in America stems from the visual reminders of the cost of war. The elite (Blue Bloods), rather than owning up to the fact that someone else is paying their debt, are calling for an end to the conflict so they don't have to be so often reminded of their social responsibility and failure.

I think there's a lot of truth in that (and it's not just the "elite").

For over a year before I finally met some of the wounded face-to-face (geography had been an impediment), I had been steeped in the facts and issues of some of the most gruesome wounds our warfighters suffer. But there is a vast difference between intellectual knowledge and face-to-face knowledge. Meeting the wounded in-hospital didn't open my eyes to something new, but it walloped me on an emotional level when I looked in the eyes of the wounded and their families and was forced to consider what had happened as a result of what was done in my name and on my behalf.

It affected the way I viewed myself, and how I processed the rest of the world. Instead of being (as it had previously) an intellectual knowledge that touched my heart in sympathy and gratitude, it had a physical presence; it grabbed me and refused to be shaken. I walked out of that interaction with thousands of ghosts that have yet to fade.

Looking back, I think I had two ways I could've reacted. Firstly, I could have skittered away from the voice in my head that said "you are not worthy of such sacrifice" (right though it was) by either removing myself from the situation that had activated that voice, or ensuring that sacrifice never happened again. I even could've removed the negative feelings by pitying them, thus distancing myself by being "superior").

In that room, I was acutely aware of my inadequacy in being unable to do what those veterans had done, and how undeserving of such sacrificial loss I was... loss of futures, dreams, independence, wholeness... and then the suffering of those who loved them... I was smacked in the face with the "wrong-ness" of the world, the reminder that money and influence and politics and even prayer couldn't fix every problem... and these wounded men were the proof of that. They were the by-product of the fact that this is a sinful, broken world. And I hated myself for benefiting from actions that had resulted in their losses. I imagine there are many people out there who would rather not acknowledge such realities and thoughts...

But I had another option. I could have acknowledged all of the above, and also faced head-on the feelings it engendered. I could've recognized the nobility of their gift, found a way to live with my thoughts of inadequacy and undeserving. Perhaps I could even have harnessed them as motivation to continue to try to be as worthy of such gifts as possible. I could have cultivated the maturity to see the world as it is, not as I wish it would be. I could've decided that considering the burdens of the wounded veterans and their families, I could carry the burden of knowing they had done it for me. I could've recognized that though I didn't always relate to the values, attitudes, backgrounds and motivations of some of these amazing people, I owed them... and I could be "ok" with the fact that rebalancing the scales will be impossible, that I'd always be the recipient of something greater than I could ever reciprocate.

Obviously, I've chosen the second option. And I think those two different responses to the knowledge of the physical aftermath of war are what some are talking about when they say "America is at the mall." The "at the mall" Americans are the ones who take the first route when confronted with war--they can't cope with the horror of the damage and the more-personal horror of their connection to it. Better to go and find something fun to distract them; maybe if they don't think of it, it's not real.

But it is real, and it does take a certain amount of courage to live with it.

Apparently far too many on the homefront don't have the requisite courage. Frankly, those that take that first option above are the true chickens in this war. I'm not saying we should all be visiting the VA hospitals (though I recommend you do it if you think that may possibly be within your ability), as similarly not all of us were meant to be warfighters. But we should all have the courage to at least look war in the face from safely behind the shoulder of those who have voluntarily placed their bodies in the line of fire. They changed their future for us; the least we can do is acknowledge their present. Or is it presence? Presents?

Update: Commenter Jimmy J writes of his experiences that created similar thoughts:
I'm a Vietnam vet. Lost six close friends over there. In addition, three friends spent up to seven years in the Hanoi Hilton. Another friend was severely wounded; lost both legs above the knees. He eventually died from complications of his wounds.

...For many, many years I was troubled by deep seated feelings of guilt and unworthiness. I had survived unscathed while others had sacrificed so much. Why me? Why me?

Read how he finally found resolution here.

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12 April, 2007

Catching Up

I've got some things to blog about, but can't seem to put too many sentences together unless they're on some insignificant topic (and SD, I haven't forgotten you).

But this evening I was once again reminded that two great ladies I care about are having a rough time right now. AWTM recently learned of a looming deployment, and Homefront Six has been venting about a 3-month-plus deployment extension.

Yup, it sucks. I wish so much I could somehow relieve their burdens or compress time for them.

It reminds me of a little ditty. But somehow to me it doesn't mean the same thing it used to: I owe, I owe...

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11 April, 2007

Tech Advice?

[Update below]

My one-year-old laptop (Compaq Presario V5000) is starting to overheat. I make sure it has plenty of room for the fan to circulate the air, but it's still shutting down once or twice in a 3-4 hour period.

I expect the overheating problem will get worse as I face a summer without air conditioning. Also, I am using a stand-alone monitor instead of the laptop's screen because the connector has a short; that'll change when I get it repaired before the MilBlog Conference (speaking of... please consider the tip jar on the right).

I've looked into buying a cheap laptop cooler, but it's very confusing. The laptop's internal fan pulls from underneath with a rear exhaust. But the fan plates I've seen seem to have fans that would pull in the opposite direction of the laptop's internal fan. Would that put too much strain on the internal fan? And should I spend the extra money for aluminum? Does anyone have experience with a certain model of laptop fan plate/cooler?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...

UPDATE: on Bloodspite's advice, I contacted the manufacturer's tech support. Turns out I was using an old BIOS with a few bugs in it. Among other things, it had my fan speed set too low; the fan is now amazingly fast and quiet, and the keyboad is noticeably cooler. The new BIOS also fixed some strange quirks I'd been trying to ignore and has significantly increased overall processing speed (I've spent the last six months running constant virus scans and deleting cookies, etc. at every turn, trying to figure out what was making it so slow). I'm a very happy laptop user right now. I just hope I didn't do too much long-term damage by not talking to the tech people sooner.

However, I'm still very interested in getting a cooling pad; I'm anxious to baby this thing as much as possible, considering what damage I've likely done to it by suffering through the problems of the old BIOS.

And btw, the HP/Compaq online tech people are top notch. They were polite, efficient and--most importantly--correct.

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09 April, 2007

Horses and Blogging and Politics

Grim has a post that truly must be read in its entirety. Here's a taste to get you started:

The instant he felt me take my feet out the stirrups, he threw back on with all he had. The young lady (same one from the missing-mare episode) said it was like watching a rodeo: he bucked and reared and fought as hard as a 1,400 pound horse can go. I had him in a headlock for a second, but he reared so hard I had to lean far forward to stay balanced. He got his head free, and then while I was forward he dropped and bucked and I went flying.

Now go, read it all to find out just what this has to do with politics and blogging, and even forgiveness. It's pretty special.

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08 April, 2007

Container Gardening

Continuing the non-mil theme, which seems to be all I can bring myself to blog about these days...

I'm a country girl at heart, and that means I'm the gardening type. The last few years that's meant container gardening. This summer I'm not going to do much, but last week I set out five herbs and a cherry tomato plant. I always do at least herbs and tomatoes because what you get at even a farmer's market can't match what comes fresh off your porch with these plants, and great fresh herbs can make all the difference in most dishes.

From left to right that's basil, sage, rosemary, thyme and cilantro (click to enlarge). Cilantro needs cool temperatures to keep from going straight to seed. Strangely, that hasn't been a problem in SoCal this month. The basil is starting to suffer from lack of sun, though (as am I).

Here's the tomato plant. He's already grown about two inches and seems very happy in his new home, even with the lack of sun:


Again, click to enlarge. It's a nice picture with quite a bit of beautiful detail.

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Black Bean and Vegetable Burritos

I've been meaning to submit this to Carnival of the Recipes (it'll be in next week's meatless this week's edition, hosted by Diabetic Recipes), and since I don't seem to have much to say these days...

Black Bean and Vegetable Burritos (3-4 servings)
adapted from Easy Dinners: Vegetarian

8 7- or 8-inch whole wheat tortillas
1 med onion, chopped
½ med. red sweet pepper, cut into thin strips
1 T. fresh lime juice
¼ t. bottled minced garlic
2 t. olive oil
½ c . frozen, whole-kernel corn
¼ t. ground cumin (or more)
¼ t . chili powder (or more)
dash ground black pepper
1 15-ounce can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 c. shredded Monterey Jack cheese
Salt to taste
Sour cream and fresh cilantro/salsa (optional)

1. Stack tortillas and wrap tightly in foil. Heat in 350-degree oven. Or alternatively, heat them individually in a dry frying pan and store in a tortilla keeper until ready to assemble burritos.

2. In a medium saute pan, cook the onion, sweet pepper, lime juice and garlic in hot oil for 3-5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Stir in corn, and spices. Cook over medium heat for 4-5 minutes or until corn is tender, then add beans and heat through. Salt to taste.

2. To assemble each burrito, spoon about a half cup of the bean mixture onto a tortilla just below center. Top with 2T of the cheese. Fold one edge of tortilla over filling. Fold filled tortilla in half again. If desired, serve with sour cream and fresh cilantro/salsa.

FbL's suggestions: Quality/fresh ingredients are vital for this recipe; have all ingredients chopped and spices assembled before beginning—it moves fast once you start; consider additional lime juice while sautéing and also sprinkling it on the veggies when assembling burritos; the cilantro is almost a must. You can add grilled chicken or pork, but be sure to increase the spices.

This makes a great light lunch with a side salad or chips & guacamole.

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06 April, 2007

SPC Curtis Spivey

Looking online for information about the home opening game of my favorite baseball team, I noticed an ambiguous headline: "A Soldier's Sad Ending." It was about a soldier named Curtis Spivey.

Bitter and broken, Army Spc. Curtis Spivey didn't feel much like a hero when he came home to Chula Vista from his third tour in Iraq last fall.

A roadside bomb had blown up his Humvee near Baghdad on Sept. 16, wounding the soldiers inside and throwing him 40 feet in the air from his perch as the vehicle's rooftop gunner. The blast shattered his legs, bruised his brain and broke his back, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down.

Spivey, 25, hated the thought of spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

“He was not a happy camper when he came here,” said Al Kovach, president of the Cal-Diego chapter of the Paralyzed Veterans of America, who counseled Spivey during his recuperation at the VA Medical Center in La Jolla. “He kept the lights off, the shades pulled. The only person he would talk to was his father.”

But fortunately he didn't stay "bitter and broken."
But nurtured by the tough love of his ex-Navy dad and the worshipful love of his 2-year-old daughter, Mariana, Spivey had made what relatives described as a remarkable turnaround. Last weekend, he talked with his family about his future for the first time.

“He realized there was another life,” said his father, Joseph L. Spivey, 52, of Chula Vista. “He was looking to go to college, to start a second career.”

There's much, much more. But the tragedy of it all is that he died of a brain anyeurism on Monday, nearly seven months after he was wounded.

His name sounded vaguely familiar, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. Finally I got smart: I checked the Valour-IT requests, and sure enough... there he was; he'd had a Valour-IT laptop for at least four months. Maybe, just maybe it had a small role in moving him from that "bitter and broken" place in which he started and out into the light of hope for the short time he had left...

Rest in peace and with the love of those who knew you, dear warrior. Your spirit was fierce, but alas...

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29 March, 2007

Unusually Bright Two-year-old: An update

Some of you may remember the Unusually Bright Two-year-old about whom I wrote a few weeks ago, and you'll be happy to know that he's bonded with us in childcare. For the last two weeks he's done very, very well: no more inconsolable crying jags and no noticeable anxiety.

His grandmother is visiting this week, and that's where the Small World comes in.

His mother is a dear, sweet and charming woman. Unfortunately, she is now suffering from a health problem serious enough to allow her deployed husband to return for emergency leave (a process only just beginning now). So, her mother-in-law has been at her side, and brought the two-year-old to daycare today so she could accompany her daughter-in-law to the doctor (resulting in hospitalization).

I had been unaware of severity of the health issue, but when his exhausted and worried grandmother mentioned it as we sat in the childcare center, I instantly told her I had contacts that could "move mountains" for that family if necessary, and we exchanged names and contact info. Her name was vaguely familiar, but not unique, so I didn't think much of it.... until we started to talk.

Turns out that she's pretty active in troop support organizations herself. And when Valour-IT needed a contact that could get us into a military hospital where Soldiers' Angels didn't have a strong presence last year, she helped us. Turns out, we've emailed and spoken on the phone several times! And we just happened to finally meet as we sat there in the childcare center... Wow.

As to the needs of the family, I will be looking into it and seeing how they can best be helped. For their privacy, I don't want to give any more identifying info, but suffice it to say that this is a very special family (all three generations), the epitome of the best of our service members. Stay tuned...

And those of you who are so inclined, please pray for a military family facing a big challenge. And particularly remember the Very Bright Two-year-old who just recently found his footing. He's too smart to be oblivious, but isn't going to understand this problem, either.

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27 March, 2007

Of Forgotten Firearms

The recent brouhaha over a senatorial aide who appeared with a firearm he shouldn't have had on Capitol Hill stirred a memory for me. I'm not sure what it says about airport security, but it was certainly amusing...

Last year at the USO I picked up the phone to the voice of someone from airport security on the other end. She said, "We have an Army Lieutenant Colonel here who needs something to secure his weapon. Can you help?" I couldn't imagine what she was talking about, but I said to send him down and we'd see if we could help. I was envisioning someone who had arrived for an outbound flight and forgotten to pack his weapon properly.

About five minutes later a forty-year old man in camouflage opened the door, scanned the room from corner to corner and stepped in with attempted savoir-faire, teenage boy in tow. He had that hard and lean, happy andrelieved-but-jumpy look common to those newly-arrived from combat in Iraq. As I walked up to him and saw his insignia, I welcomed him and asked, "You're the LTC they just called about?"

His facade cracked for a moment as he dipped his head and laughed in embarrassment, then quickly looked at me directly again as he tried to regain the upper hand. He explained he was just hours back from Iraq and was meeting his son who would accompany him on the last leg of his flight. I swear he blushed as he said that he hadn't realized he'd had the weapon until he'd tried to get back on the plane after meeting his son.

Apparently he had been no Fobbit and was very comfortable with that loaded pistol tucked under his arm. In Iraq, with visions of home dancing in his head, he'd stepped on the plane with nary a thought to what he was carrying. He hadn't left the terminal in either overseas or continental US stops on the way home... until he got to us. Now they wouldn't let him back on with his sidearm.

I took him to the Director, who dug up a metal box he had, poured the contents on his desk, wrapped the pistol in a towel, and locked it in with a padlock. The LTC was sent on his way after coffee and conversation.

Talk about discomfort, though! I honestly never thought I'd live to see a combat-hardened LTC like that nearly scuff his shoe in embarrassment and chagrin. I have since told the story when visitors ask things like, "So what kinds of things do you do to help people here?" The enlisted personnel in particular enjoy this one...

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24 March, 2007

Innocence and War

There are many reasons I'm so serious about supporting our military men and women, why I feel it's a moral obligation. It's not just a sense of "they have suffered for me," though that is certainly part of it. What really pulls on me and compels a response is the warfighter's loss of innocence due to actions taken on my behalf. In a powerful essay, former soldier Brian Mockenhaupt explains:

But war twists and shifts the landmarks by which we navigate our lives, casting light on darkened areas that for many people remain forever unexplored. And once those darkened spaces are lit, they become part of us.

One former Marine friend has told me that he still habitually runs mental threat assessments (and plans countermeasures) on every person he encounters. He also once described his training and wartime experience as discovering, harnessing and ultimately mastering the beast inside him that we all have, one that lies dormant unless awakened by experience or intent. And Lex has written of the obsession a pilot finds in the violence of bombing runs. More recently, a soldier still on the ground in Iraq wrote of "war cocaine."

Mockenhaupt continues:
At a party several years ago, long before the Army, I listened to a friend who had served several years in the Marines tell a woman that if she carried a pistol for a day, just tucked in her waistband and out of sight, she would feel different. She would see the world differently, for better or worse. Guns empower. She disagreed and he shrugged. No use arguing the point; he was just offering a little piece of truth. He was right, of course. And that's just the beginning.

That reminds me of my first (and so far, only) experience with a loaded weapon. It was a lot of fun, especially since I seem to have a bit of natural skill with it. It packed a certain frisson, but so deadly serious. My instructor-friend talked as if I would someday carry a weapon of my own, but I'm not eager to do so. It's not only a tremendous responsibility that I doubt I'm up to, but I also think I'm afraid of liking that sense of power a little too much. Apparently that's only a pale shadow of what the soldier feels:
But I also peered through the scope waiting for someone to do something wrong, so I could shoot him. When you pick up a weapon with the intent of killing, you step onto a very strange and serious playing field. Every morning someone wakes wanting to kill you. When you walk down the street, they are waiting, and you want to kill them, too. That's not bloodthirsty; that's just the trade you've learned.

That's a trade and a playing field, and a part of myself I don't think I have it in me to face. And if I do, I'd rather not be forced to acknowledge its existence. And so I am beyond grateful there are those who willingly search it out. One reason I feel compelled to support our veterans is the gift they give of themselves; in many ways, they lose their innocence so that I can keep mine.

UPDATE: After email discussions with Grim, I see I may not have been clear. Here I am using innocence in it's fundamental sense: a lack of knowledge. Perhaps ignorance would've been a better choice of word.

Grim wrote to me, in part:

You don't have any innocence to lose; what you describe is not learned but natural behavior... The instinct to kill and to war is as natural a behavior as resides in mankind...

What you have is the illusion of innocence. That is to say, the evil itself is embedded in you. The sense that you are "clean" because you go about from day to day neither killing nor thinking of killing is an illusion; you simply haven't hit the right stimuli.

I agree. He also pointed out a post of his on related aspects of the subject at Winds of Change.

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Midway, Again

The Midway Museum seems to be a bit of an obsession for me. I've visited it twice and hope to do so again soon. But Lex, you think you feel old because there's a Hornet you once flew now sitting on her flight deck? Try Pogue, who actually served on her 30 years ago. However, that only makes Pogue, what, 50 years young? ;)

Pogue perfectly articulates that strange feeling I had when I visited Midway:

People talk about ships being alive and mostly you think of that as a figure of speech, but visiting the Midway was like seeing a close friend lying in state. The shape is there, but the life is gone.

Go and read it all for a perspective from someone who knew her when she bristled with life.

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23 March, 2007

Silencing a Great Reporter?

I've put up a longer post about this at The Flight Deck, but this should whet your appetite:

We're in the middle of a war that we are by all expert accounts losing on the propaganda front. Would General Vincent Brooks rather have an honest, patriotic, hands-on reporter with a thorough knowledge of military matters reporting on Iraq, or does he prefer the Green Zone bubbas who pay Iraqi stringers of questionable background and affiliations to gather their info for them? If it's the latter, he's either stupid, ignorant or petty... none of which are encouraging qualities in a general officer, particularly in the middle of a war zone. Come on, General Brooks; I'd bet you're better than that.

More here.

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21 March, 2007

The Marine

I'm sitting outside with the children late this afternoon and notice something out of the corner of my eye...

A man of about 40 or so, a Marine in digital cammies, is standing about ten feet away from me: 6'6", feet spread wide and tree-trunk legs braced, hands on hips, leathery face squinting in the setting sun as he watches his child at play.

Wow. They really do make 'em like the recruiting posters! "Who are you here to pick up?"

He gestures toward his son, who notices him about that time. "Dad!"

5'5" and 120+ pounds of preteen boy comes loping over, launches himself into the air as he links his arms around dad's neck, then hangs on as he slides back to the ground.

Dad doesn't move, doesn't wince, doesn't shift his weight. Not even a muffled "Oooof!" Boy's feet return to earth and he releases his arms. Dad smiles, then turns loosely and effortlessly toward the door as he pats his son on the back. "Let's go."

Damn.

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18 March, 2007

Synergy: The 2006 Milblog Conference

Andi has put out a challenge to last year's MilBlog Conference attendees: describe the experience. It's not easy, but I'll try...

Although the conference was attractive to me from the beginning, I struggled with whether to spend the money. It seemed self-indulgent. Though a blogger, I was just a milblogging hanger-on in my view; I couldn't see it as anything more than a social event for me. Nothing wrong with social events, but in my cash-strapped life I couldn't justify the expense on that basis alone. But when a gift of airline miles and the chance to share a hotel room came up, I grabbed them. Still, I had doubts.

With the expense thus reduced, I decided to go for it. Without a doubt, it turned out to be the best $150+ I have ever spent. Seriously. On personal, educational, blogging and volunteer levels, the conference was priceless.

On a personal level, there is nothing like finally putting a face to a voice that previously existed only via distant phone lines, or finally feeling the warm arms of someone on whom you've electronically leaned for so long. The power of meeting someone you've prayed and cried over but never actually seen is indescribable; Carren and I discovered we had months of hugs stored up and kept putting our arms around each other that Friday night at Fran's. Chuck, whom I'd rarely emailed and spoken to only once (he was recovering from his wounds), took one look at me and demanded I spill my guts about what had been bothering me. In a nutshell, we all discovered that these seemingly ephemeral electronic bonds weren't ephemeral at all; in fact, they were rock-solid.

Educationally, this civilian learned even more about milblogs and the military men and women I was supporting as a citizen, volunteer and blogger. The sessions themselves were lessons in history, honor, politics, sociology, information warfare and big ideas. I heard echoes of the past and whispers that were prophetic. In the hallways, I watched the milblogging leadership corner the major from CENTCOM and give him a polite but emphatic earful about PAO failings (in the year since, CENTCOM PAO is becoming the military model for use of the new information technologies that are shaping our world). And sitting around the table in a bar I heard war stories, saw the unspoken bonds, and laughed my head off at mutually-applied jokes and snarks.

As a blogger, I began to see how I fit within the community, that my tiny voice had power--the way the flapping of a single butterfly can begin a chain reaction that affects the world's weather. I was only getting about 40 visitors a day, but when we talked about the impact and reach of milblogs we realized that our interconnectivity allowed small voices like mine to speak up and have a big impact. John Donovan pointed out the developing Fran O'Brien's story: my post at the Castle had gotten linked by Fark.com and the story took off; Little Ol' Me had started what soon became a blogswarm on Hilton. This level of potential impact from one little person comes from the connections and networks we have among the milblogs, connections and networks that were newly-discovered or strengthened that weekend. The knowledge, contacts, skills and creativity in our assembled community were stunning, and I think we all left the conference invigorated--excited about our collective potential, full of ideas, and rededicated to our goals of both supporting and giving voice to the military community in this new media age.

On the volunteer front, it was huge for Valour-IT. I spent so much time talking to various reporters that I actually missed most of the afternoon sessions and had to merely wave at people that had been on my "Must Meet" list as I looked for a quiet place to talk to yet another reporter. We got our first big break when the BBC reporter eventually wrote a beautiful article after I'd spent the 4-block walk back from lunch chatting him up. I wasn't the only one who found it "professionally" productive: tons of networking and idea-sharing occurred as civilians and militalry-types applied their collective wisdom to issues in organically-forming groups outside the structured sessions.

Every person who attends a MilBlog Conference will have different goals and different potentials, will come away with different benefits for having been there. The conference was nothing that I expected, and yet everything I could have possibly dreamed. I've used the word synergy to describe what happened there, and I think that's the only way to encapsulate it: there is no substitute for people bringing their knowledge, experience, passion, ideas and personal connections together in one location to stir the pot and see what happens. I don't know how it works with other groups, but with milbloggers... it's magic.

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New Soldiers' Angels Website

The home of Soldiers' Angels and Valour-IT has had an "extreme makeover" thanks to Holy Aho.

Go check it out. It's a beaut!

One little (but important) wrinkle: The address for Valour-IT's section of the website has changed. We're going to try to make it automatically forward from the old website address, but for the moment, here's where you can see the new Valour-IT section:

http://soldiersangels.org/index.php?page=project-valour-it

If you have a blog with Valour-IT linked on the sidebar, please make sure it has the new link. Thanks!

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Link Dump

Some things I wanted to write about, but never had the chance...

Raven writes about her experiences as a nurse with Marines recovering from severe Traumatic Brain Injuries. She makes the case for privatization over military hospitals when treating these injuries. I am reminded of a military wife I know who refused to put her brain-damaged husband in a military treatment facility and nursed him at home, resulting in tremendous levels of recovery for someone with his severity of wounds.

Raven also has the story of the University of Illinois not only reneging on promised military scholarships, but insulting the Marines in the process.

Thought-provoking writings on men in the modern world: Manly Men, Girly Men and Peter Pan and Marines, Peter Pans, and Metrosexuals . I think those categories are too narrow, but it makes for interesting discussion abut various male "types" in Western society and how/why they exist.

Kat wrote a beautiful piece about troop support in the middle of the congressional "non-binding resolution" stupidity that is sadly still applicable today: Let Us Rededicate Ourselves.

I'll add to this list if I see more today...

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17 March, 2007

2007 MilBlog Conference

Are you going to the MilBlog Conference? Here's why you should.

And here's more motivation, if you need it...

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St. Patrick's Day Silliness

All you need to know about yourself for St. Patrick's Day...


Your Leprechaun Name Is:


Sneaky Forekettle





You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.


Ridiculous! Especially since I don't even drink beer! But at least my Blogfather would approve...



You Are Olive Green


You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself.

For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself.

You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you.

People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know.


"Dependable?" Nah. But still, mostly right--though I'm more "shakable" than I used to be.



You Are A Cypress Tree


You are strong, adaptable, and striving to be content.

You're good at taking what life has to give - even if you don't like it.

A passionate lover who can't be satisfied, you are quick tempered at times.

You hate loneliness, want love and affection, and need to be needed.

A bit of a live wire, you love to gain knowledge any cost... and you can be careless at times.


No comment.

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16 March, 2007

What a Week...

You can tell when I've had a rough week: the posting gets sporadic and of pretty thin value. Sorry, but I'm still in that place. Back is much, much better, but the job is sucking worse every day.

Last weekend I filled a volunteer shift at the airport USO for the first time since I started the new job (mid-January). I had thought it would be invigorating, but found the contrast between my happiness and self-image when I was there regularly and my current outlook due to my awful job quite disturbing and depressing; I was a different person then; I never knew one could burn out on a new job in just eight weeks...

On the bright spot, I got to spend a wonderful time with Andi at dinner yesterday. She's a great lady--put up with my whining about work and treated me to dinner at one of the finer hotel restaurants in the city. [We had planned to eat elsewhere, but best laid plans... However, the food and the manner/location in which it was served ranks at or above the best I've ever enjoyed. Being the kind soul I am, I won't torture you with a detailed description. *GRIN*]

Andi and I discussed the MilBlog Conference, SpouseBUZZ, and the milblog community in general. Topics included the sad lives of uber-trolls and the welcome realization that we don't have any big milbloggers who pull prima donna antics. We also talked about the amazing opportunities and people we've gotten to know through milblogs and our related activities that we would never have otherwise.

Other conversation included the fact the "it's a paycheck.. it's a paycheck..." mantra will keep you in a horrible/soul-sucking job for only so long before you start to lose your mind/health. But being the dear and wise lady she is, she left me with an excellent substitute mantra: "You have found your niche [milblogs, military support positions/non-profits, etc.], you're just not being paid for it... yet."

"You have found your niche, you're just not being paid for it... yet."

"You have found your niche, you're just not being paid for it... yet."

"You have found your niche, you're just not being paid for it... yet."

If that mantra doesn't work, I'll be counting on you guys to pick up the pieces when I get to the Conference, okay? ;)

Or maybe I'll just read this post again...

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15 March, 2007

I'm Being Watched!

Apparently The Watcher's Council has taken notice of me...

Each week they nominate posts for consideration as best Council and Non-Council posts of the week. I'm a nominee this week (#7 under Non-Council Posts) for this story, for which I'm still getting at least 10 direct hits a day.

The Watcher's Council is usually politics/news-oriented, so I was quite surprised to see my post nominated. Wish I knew who to thank for it...

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13 March, 2007

PAIN!!!

UPDATE: Doing significantly better today, far better than I could've imagined --The Chiropractor's adjustment worked! My shoulder muscles feel like one big bruise and my back is still very stiff, but no stabbing and debilitating pain and I feel a little better every hour. If I had the money, I'd get a serious massage, but I think I'll eventually be okay without it. There's just so much less pain. Yay!!! (I was quite scared this could be something serious/chronic, but so far apparently not...)

Moments after I completed that last post, I stood up and was almost brought to my knees by sudden, stabbing pain in my back/neck and ribs. I tried to work, but couldn't have lifted the infants I would've been working with in the morning. It hurt to breathe.

Laying on the floor waiting for a chiropractic appointment early this afternoon, tears of pain seeping from the outer corners of my eyes due to more pain than I'd ever felt, I marveled at those who deal with severe chronic pain. I have serious chronic foot pain, but nothing like that. I don't know how you guys do it...

Yes, I'm better now (but still hurting quite a bit. Chiropractor says I did something to my neck that caused further went on to cause damage/misplacement to an upper rib).

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Unbelievable! And Sad...

This is a departure in content for these parts, but I had to share...

Prosecutors said Lackey is expectant father of six children with six different women. The women all are expected to deliver between August and October.
That a man had sex with six different women in three months is between him and the women. But the six babies that are resulting from it...

I'm almost beyond words. Six children who are obviously going to grow up without their father--you think a man who does this is going to be conscientious about making sure he's involved in their lives and is paying the proper child support? I almost wish the six other women didn't know about each other so they could suddenly find out and take their vengeance on him. What an unspeakably irresponsible and selfish man!

And the story reminds me of the questions I've been asked by my new colleagues recently. We were discussing children one day and I was suddenly asked, "Don't you want to have children?" As if I had expressed a desire not to (I hadn't said a word about it, but they knew I had a boyfriend at the time).

When I hesitated, she continued, "Don't you want your boyfriend to give you a baby?"

I struggled with how to answer her without getting into personal discussions I didn't want to have. So I finally said, "My boyfriend and I are not long-term."

Her reply: "So? Wouldn't you like him to give you a baby?"

The rest of the group affirmed their similar thoughts and I about fell over. I finally gathered myself together and told her that I didn't want to bring a baby into the world when she more than likely wouldn't have a father involved in her life on a daily basis. I suffered because my father died when I was young, but why set someone up for that on purpose? I told her it seemed incredibly irresponsible and unbelievably selfish, and besides that I didn't make enough money to support a baby.

She was married and childless, and she (and the rest of the women) looked at me like I had two heads. I'm not so sheltered and naive that I don't know that purposely-single mothers are looked upon with tolerance or acceptance, but this level of positive talk about it just blew me away.

Single motherhood by "accidental" pregnancy, divorce or death is making the best of a bad situation, but this? Such selfishness and self-centeredness!--"I want a baby for a toy and who cares what kind of life I've set her up for?" No wonder so many people think the world is going to hell...

Sometimes I'm one of them.

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11 March, 2007

FbL on the Radio!

UPDATE: It will be rebroadcast at 9:00 10:00 eastern tonight.

Believe it or not, I almost forgot to blog this!

I'm going to be on the Andrea Shea-King radio show on WDBO WWBC on MONDAY the 12th at 4:00 p.m. eastern. It's part of a series they call their "Monday Troop Support Segment," interviewing people involved in supporting military personnel and their families.

You can listen at the station link above, or join the chatroom in the upper right-hand corner of her show website.

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Amazing Man

Your inspiration and motivation for the upcoming week...

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10 March, 2007

A Testament to the Power of Engagement

Over at The Flight Deck, Canadian Michelle has a beautiful essay about how her engagement with a milblog to the political right of her own values (Neptunus Lex, in this case) changed how she viewed both American warfighters and their Canadian counterparts:

But here’s where something different happened. Although I always would have been/was sympathetic and supportive to the individual soldiers involved, that was because I viewed tham as just people “doing their jobs”. Now, I see it differently. We (you and I and everyone else) are just people doing our jobs. They (all the soldiers from wherever in both Iraq and Afghanistan) are amazing people doing an an amazing, extraordinary job.

There's much more there that's thought-provoking, inspiring (to milbloggers) and challenging to all of us. It's a must-read, a testimony to the power of the milblogs and to a woman who stepped up to look "the other" in the face. She recommends we do so, too...

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09 March, 2007

Friday Communte from Hell

My 12.5-mile, 20-minute commute (40 minutes on a bad day) took over two hours today. There was constant forward motion, so that rough average of under 6 mph--nursing a manual transmission--is an accurate representation of the experience (that average includes the last 1.5 miles that instantly stepped up to 40+ mph).

Heh. At least I can rest assured that 1st and 2nd gear work very well on my trusty Honda Civic...

The best part? Getting out of the car at home and realizing that sitting almost immobile for two hours immediately after spending the day on screaming joints means you can't stand up straight anymore.

*sniff*

I miss my 2.3-mile commute in Arizona.

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Why They Serve

The VA Mortgage blog competition asked the winner to contribute a post to the VA Mortgage blog. CJ's original post spawned a series from other guest posters, and there's a common thread running through all of them...

On the topic of "Why We Serve," Cpl M writes of the idealism that drives him (he was in high school on 9-11, making post-graduation plans that didn't include military service):

I serve so that something like September 11th doesn’t have to happen to any nation ever again. I pray that sacrificing any plans I made as a high school senior will keep even one innocent American from falling to terrorism. I pray that I can help make a difference in this world now to bring about a hope of defeating radicals. Most importantly, I hope that I can one-day give a better world to my daughter so that she and her family can live the American Dream.

Sgt Hook writes of his rather basic reasons for enlisting and how his reasons for serving have evolved as his life has changed. As a very senior NCO he's much older than Corporal M, but the idealism remains:

I eventually settled down, a little, married and started a family and my reasons for serving became firmly entrenched within who I am. When my son was born and I held him for the first time I was instantly overcome with just how heavy of a responsibility I faced in raising him. It was not lost on me that my chosen profession, the profession of arms, protected his future, defended a way of life that would provide him, and all the other babies in the hospital nursery, with freedoms and opportunities not found anywhere else in the world.

Recent Milbloggie winner Captain Doug Traversa of Afghanistan Without a Clue originally signed up for financial reasons, but has found a renewed sense of purpose in deployment to Afghanistan:
I’ve rambled a bit, but now to the crux of the matter. I now serve with a new sense of pride that I am contributing in a small way to the protection of our country and the rebuilding of another. I have no desire to die here, and I hope to return in one piece and enjoy my retirement. But for these last two years in the Air Force I am part of something important and essential. I will have amazing stories to tell, and I have been changed for the better. As I say to my men as we drive around Kabul, It’s hard to believe we get paid to do this.

I don't think the thread of idealism running through these three excerpts is a fluke. It's not universal, but it's something that even I--who while having moments of cynicism am terribly idealistic--am always slightly surprised to encounter so frequently in our military men and women; despite combat, the leadership issues that can develop, and an inside view of the insanity of military bureaucracy that altogether open their eyes to some of the worst of human tendencies, they remain idealistic at the core.

CJ says it best:
It is true that many people join the military for college, large bonuses, and the free medical care. I don’t think that you can find a Soldier who joined for that one specific purpose. Granted, it is a motivator, but it’s not the be-all-end-all of reasons. Soldiers have an inherent sense of selflessness that is engrained in them. No one in their right mind would risk their lives on a battlefield just to pay off a college loan. They’re safer trying to rob a bank for the money. We do it because they love this country. We do it because they love freedom. We do it because we want others to have the success and freedoms we enjoy here at home. We do it for you.

Fundamentally, they believe in America--in its opportunities, its ideals and its potential. They believe in us.

And people have to ask why I love our military men and women? What other response can there be?

[H/T JP at Milblogging.com]

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08 March, 2007

Well, I'm Prepared

[UPDATE: Photo below]

I wrote a bit on the USO event last night, but neglected to mention why I was there. It was the yearly volunteer recognition ceremony. I put in 200 hours last year in just five months (60 in one month alone), but have had to cut back significantly since December. It was great to see everyone, and I was reminded how much I have enjoyed volunteering at the airport USO.

I mention it again because we received more than just "recognition" last night... We got ourselves some loot!

The point being: Milbloggers better come prepared, 'cause I am armed and dangerous, heehee! I already had a Solders' Angels coin from Patti, and now I have a USO one, too. ;)

Seriously, it's a beautifully-detailed, enameled coin that is unique to my local USO organization and I am honored to possess it. My photographic efforts have failed thus far, but I'll try again when I have some daylight. Or maybe you'll just have to wait a couple months...

UPDATE: This is the best I could do, photo-wise. The other side of the coin has the USO logo and our city on it. "Until Every One Comes Home" is the USO motto. I'll have to check, but I believe the two red and blue filled stars along the bottom stand for two hundred hours of service [click to enlarge].

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Creative Newswriting

Too much positive news coming out of Iraq for certain people's tastes? That's okay, just make up your own headlines. Do it right, and no one will read the article because the headline says it all:

"U.S.: Iraqi insurgent attacks intensifying"

There is absolutely no discussion of the intensity of insurgent attacks --positive or negative--in the article.
And with a headline like that, you don't have to read any further to know what's going on in Iraq, right?

Considering the habit the AP has of editing on the fly, I've done screen shots of the entire article, and reproduced the text below (I'm in a huge rush this morning and can't remember how to convert the screen shots to something uploadable to Blogger. Email me if you want them):

U.S.: Iraqi insurgent attacks intensifying
By LAUREN FRAYER, Associated Press Writer

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Military force alone is "not sufficient" to end the violence in
Iraq and political talks must eventually include some militant groups now opposing the U.S.-backed government, the new commander of U.S. forces in Iraq said Thursday.
ADVERTISEMENT

"This is critical," U.S. Gen. David Petraeus said in his first news conference since taking over command last month. He noted that such political negotiations "will determine in the long run the success of this effort."

American troops have stepped up efforts to clear and secure major highways around the capital as part of the Baghdad security crackdown, which began last month. The
Pentagon has pledged 17,500 combat troops for the capital.

Petraeus said Thursday "it was very likely" that additional U.S. forces will be sent to areas outside the capital where militant groups are regrouping, including the Diyala province northeast of Baghdad.

The region has become an increasingly important staging ground for groups including al-Qaida in Iraq. Meanwhile, many Sunni extremists apparently have shifted to Diyala to escape the Baghdad clampdown.

Petraeus declined to predict the size of the expected Diyala reinforcements.

One of Iraq's most expansive militias — the Mahdi Army of radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr — appears to have set aside its weapons under intense government pressure to lend support to the Baghdad security plan.

Mahdi militiamen also have allowed Iraqi authorities to try to protect at least 1 million pilgrims heading to Karbala, about 50 miles south of Baghdad.

Many are making the traditional trek on foot for rituals beginning Friday to mark the end of a 40-day mourning period for Imam Hussein, grandson of the Prophet Muhammad. Hussein's death in a 7th-century battle near Karbala cemented the schism between Sunnis and Shiites.

The processions have proved to be vulnerable targets, with attacks killing more than 170 people this week.

Al-Sadr issued a statement urging pilgrims to join in chants denouncing the attackers. "I ask almighty God to protect you from the sectarian sedition," said the message.

Petraeus denounced the "thugs with no soul" who have targeted Shiite pilgrims. "We share the horror" of witnessing the suicide bombings and shootings, he said.

He said U.S. forces are ready to help provide additional security for the pilgrims if asked by Iraqi authorities.

"It is an enormous task to protect all of them and there is a point at which if someone is willing to blow up himself ... the problem becomes very, very difficult indeed," he said.

Security forces in Karbala have taken unprecedented measures, including checkpoints for top-to-bottom searches and a six-ring cordon around the two main Shiite shrines. At least 10,000 policemen have been placed on round-the-clock patrols.

"All the city's entrances have been secured, and I call upon the pilgrims to follow the instructions of the security forces and let them do the necessary searches," Iraq's minister of state for national security, Sherwan al-Waili, said in Karbala.

In Baghdad, a mortar attack shattered some windows at the Iraqi Airways office on the airport compound, but the shells landed hundreds of yards from the passenger terminal and caused no serious flight disruptions.

Such attacks, however, send chills through Iraqi officials preparing to host an international conference Saturday on ways to help rebuild and stabilize the country.

The meeting will bring
Iran and the United States to the same table for the first time in more than two years. Washington cut diplomatic ties with Tehran after the takeover of the U.S. Embassy by radicals in the wake the 1979 Islamic Revolution.

The United States has accused Iran of backing anti-American Shiite militants in Iraq, has detained Iranian officials there and has angered Tehran by beefing up its military presence in the Persian Gulf. Washington is also pushing for new sanctions on Iran over its nuclear program.

Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said Wednesday that his country hoped "the conference will bring forward the end of the presence of foreign forces" in Iraq — reiterating Tehran's stance that U.S. troops should withdraw.

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07 March, 2007

USO Vignette: Who Raises a Marine?

The common phrase these days is, "Where do we get such men?"

A story I heard tonight at the USO awards banquet just may supply the answer...

About two weeks ago the director of my local airport USO (where I volunteer) looked up from his desk to see an older lady sitting quietly outside his office. As he described it, "She was obviously not a woman of means." She had told the receptionist that she was in town to see her grandson graduate from Boot Camp tomorrow, but had brushed aside the suggestions and guidance offered visitors regarding housing and transportation. He stepped out of his office, and in his inimitable former Command Master Chief way, soon had her entire story.

"I raised him and I'm the only family he's got. He should have someone who cares about him there when he graduates. So I came."

She had taken the bus from Oklahoma to the West Coast by herself, in order to attend the graduation because that was what she could afford. She had no hotel reservations and nothing of value with her but a return bus ticket and three dollars in cash.

He attempted to hide his amazement and asked, "What made you come to the USO? How did you know to come here?"

At this point in the telling of the story, the old chief's voice broke as he recounted her answer, "My grandson told me that if I had any problems I should go to the USO because when he got into town for boot camp, he'd come here and it was very nice and they'd fed him and taken care of him until the Drill Instructors picked him up that night."

Needless to say, the USO took care of her, too.

But back to my opening question... Where do we get men like these? From women like that, women of such devotion, loyalty and fearlessness that they'd do what she did just to be at her grandson's graduation from Boot Camp.

Somehow, I suspect he's going to make an excellent Marine...

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06 March, 2007

Read It

Just read the comments to this post.

Whatcha waitin' for? Go!

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Leadership and Accountability: Studies in Contrasts

Something that has puzzled me about the Walter Reed scandal--particularly the issue of Building 18--is that I refuse believe that the entire chain of command was indifferent to the conditions.

I think the upper leadership likely didn't know how bad things really were. Mind you, that doesn't excuse them because they are supposed to know, and not knowing is fundamentally their fault. That's what accountability is all about.

But why didn't they know? Because leadership is so much more than the ability to inspire people or point the way for them. The ability to judge character and evaluate competence is absolutely vital to effective leadership (then you know whether or not you can trust the work/reports of your subordinates, among other things). And how do you do that? By knowing your people, top to bottom.

I am reminded of my mother's experience. She works for a world-class management and customer service training company (the name would be instantly known to anyone in business management/leadership). She was first placed in the company through a temporary agency. The Boss/owner was a sought-after trainer/lecturer and had been out of town for awhile when she started to work.

Upon his return, Boss was walking through the offices and spotted her. "Who is this," he asked? The company was growing rapidly and was comprised of 60+ workers at that time, but he knew every one of them. He greeted her warmly, thanked her for helping out so-and-so, and asked with great sincerity how the work was going (and whether she needed anything).

Her reaction? "I want to work at a company like this!" She's been there over 20 years, now. They've hard their rough spots, but when Boss is been engaged with the company (as he usually is), good things happen and problems are solved. Because he is engaged, they know his values, they know his vision, and when something goes against those values and that vision, they know they can speak up. This is true leadership.

No matter how good or bad the leadership at WR was, they obviously didn't have that level of engagement with their subordinates. In the case of WR's two most recent leaders, MG Weightman and GEN Kiley, I'm beginning to suspect Weightman (in that position only six months) is the only one who could've possibly had it in him to be a true leader:

While Kiley deflected blame, Weightman freely admitted failure -- even though the victims of Walter Reed's neglect testified, and the House committee members agreed, that he was not to blame.

Throughout the hearing, Kiley spouted platitudes and evasions, not even turning to speak to a wounded family when prompted by a committee member.

Weightman, by contrast, turned around to the McLeods and spoke warmly, addressing Annette directly. "I'd just like to apologize for not meeting their expectations, not only in the care provided, but also in having so many bureaucratic processes that just took your fortitude to be an advocate for your husband that you shouldn't have to do," Weightman said, as Kiley finally turned to face the McLeods. "I promise we will do better."

Samples from Kiley's testimony:
"I don't do barracks inspections at Walter Reed."
"My staff informed me that the Walter Reed staff was working it."
"I don't get involved at my level . . . at an individual issue."

Pathetic, especially in an institution that prides itself in cultivating leadership skills. There's much, much more in a report of the hearings. A lesson in leadership... by contrast.

[H/T to Bull Nav at Op-For, who has some excellent commentary on the subject of military leadership.]

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One of My Favourite Things...

About Neptunus Lex is that when he's writing about pilots and flying, he's often covering universal human themes:

In real life it doesn’t work that way. In real life, the person who’s falling apart on the inside holds on to the only kind of order that still exists in the chaos that they’ve made for themselves.

I knew a guy once - good friend of mine - who was one of the best pilots I’d ever known, a real natural. He was, unfortunately, somewhat incautious in his personal attachments, with a marked tendency towards loving rather more well than he did wisely. The specifics are tedious, but suffice it to say that his personal life was… complicated. Eventually a particularly dramatic crisis presented itself and he spiraled into a dark place into which those who knew him well and cared for him had a hard time reaching. Kept flying though...

Find a quiet moment and read it all. As one commenter said, "That’s a lot to take in for someone who is as introspective as myself."

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04 March, 2007

Housekeeping and The Milblog Conference

[UPDATE: Please forgive the lack of original content, lately. The job is sucking me dry--I haven't even had the originality to answer most of my emails, haha!]

Housekeeping:

I've added some new links to my sidebar under "Valour-IT Posts" and "Other Notable Posts." If you're new or just an occasional reader, please consider checking out the links in those two categories.

Milblog Conference:

I'm definitely going (yay!). Still have to make my plane reservations, but expect to arrive in DC (Reagan) on Friday afternoon and spend Friday and Saturday nights at the conference hotel (then staying with a friend until Tuesday). I have a hotel room to myself (thank you, p!), so please drop me a line if you know of someone who'd like to attend, but is concerned about the cost of a room... perhaps I can share.

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Faith in Time of War

Some Soldier's Mom reviews a book that took her down memory lane:

I cannot imagine that there are more heartfelt professions of Faith -- or a time of greater need of Faith -- than in time of war. In my own experience, after I cried me a river, “I cried and begged God, His Mother and all the saints in Heaven to protect my son… and his new brothers.” And after my son would communicate with us, I would exuberantly "thank the Good Lord for the call and our son's continued safety.” Just hours after we heard from the Army that Noah had been wounded, I asked the blogsphere to "Please pray for my son." And the next day I told of how I busied myself the previous night and said, “Although this seems like a logical string of actions, in reality they are herky-jerky tasks strung together by time and episodes of gasping sobs and crying... and praying to God to please, please let our son be OK. I'm not really praying, I'm begging God to please spare my son. I'm bartering... I'm badgering...

Read it all, and the excerpts of the wonderful book that she is talking about.

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03 March, 2007

Too Fond of War

It is well that war is so terrible — otherwise we should grow too fond of it.

-General Robert E. Lee at the Battle of Fredericksburg

That quote is frequently used to bash warfighters for being of questionable morality or "just this side of polite company," but that's a distortion of an insightful statement.

There are many reasons why a soldier can look back at time spent on the battlefield with both horror and nostalgia. If you combined this description with an awareness of the incredible bonds formed between combat brothers, I think you'd be a lot closer to the truth of that famous quote:
After the IED explodes, or the RPG whistles overhead, or the shot cracks past, there's a moment of panic as you process the fact that you are still alive- that this time, they missed you. After that seconds hesitation, the rush hits.

...For me, the rush is mostly exhilaration. It's a feeling of invulnerability. I've heard the unforgettable sound of an RPG somewhere very, very near my little sector of space, and stood a little taller yelling "Missed me, you bastards!" as I spin the turret and look for the shooter.

Read it all, and the comments, too.

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Accountability at Walter Reed, II

Over at Blackfive, commenter "Red River" perfectly illustrates the most common attitude of military personnel toward the mess at Walter Reed:

"Getting the Secretary of the Army to resign, or firing command staff at Walter Reed will not fix the problems at the hospital. Only increased hospital funding will fix the issues." [quoting another commenter]

I totally disagree. Many times my unit was deployed to JRB or remote hellholes. We made it a point of pride to repaint, rewire, replumb, or resheetrock our billets. We ALWAYS did something.

...The two months I was on medical casualty as a Sgt I kept a dozen specialists and PFCs busy with barracks and grounds improvements. We put in new floors and completely redid grounds. No one told me to do it - I just suggested it and the Medical Unit's CSM found the materials. Even a guy in a wheelchair can hold a paint can. It did wonders for these guys to do something instead of sitting around moping about their mashed up bodies.

No matter where you are posted, it's the duty of the senior enlisted and officers to lead with whatever means they have. A good S4 can motivate his supply sergeant to trade for what is needed.

It's the chain of command's duty to take care of their soldiers and it's as much the fault of Reed's commander as it is the CSM or the SFCs.

I noticed that the entire [outpatient] chain of command at Reed was replaced down to the PLT SGTS. Enough said.

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Accountability at Walter Reed

As many milbloggers have said from the beginning, the problems at Walter Reed were fundamentally failures of leadership. They cheered when Weightman was relieved of his position as head of Walter Reed, but were disturbed when Weightman's direct predecessor was given the job. It turns out Secretary of Defense Robert Gates agrees on all counts. In announcing the (reportedly forced) resignation of the Secretary of the Army, he said:

...later today the Army will name a new permanent commander for the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. This flagship institution must have its new leadership in place as quickly as possible.

I am disappointed that some in the Army have not adequately appreciated the seriousness of the situation pertaining to outpatient care at Walter Reed. Some have shown too much defensiveness and have not shown enough focus on digging into and addressing the problems.

Also, I am concerned that some do not properly understand the need to communicate to the wounded and their families that we have no higher priority than their care. And that addressing their concerns about the quality of their outpatient experience is critically important. Our wounded soldiers and their families have sacrificed much and they deserve the best we can offer.

Finally, I want to reaffirm my confidence in the staff at Walter Reed and their professionalism and dedication to providing caring treatment. From what I have learned, the problems at Walter Reed appear to be problems of leadership. The Walter Reed doctors, nurses and other staff are among the best and most caring in the world. They deserve our continued deepest thanks and strongest support.

I didn't know enough about Gates to make a judgment on him when he took over last November, but things like this are definitely tipping me his direction.

Now, as John says, let's make sure there aren't any other scalps out there that get away. Beyond the initial removal of the NCOs responsible for med hold, there has also been reportedly a captain and several other members of senior NCO leadership reassigned. In some quarters the rumor is that the entire administrative chain of command for outpatient care has been removed, though that is not confirmed.

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02 March, 2007

Drafted

I spent a lot of hours this week comforting, distracting or attempting to reason with an Unusually Bright Two-year-old...

Who used to do just fine in the childcare setting--calm, happy, interactive, and easily-pleased...

Until a week after Daddy deployed and Unusually Bright Two-year-old began to realize something was wrong.

One day he spent the morning sobbing and clinging to me, then later wiggling and flipping in my cross-legged lap as he attempted to sleep, wetting my knees with his tears... Sleep was impossible; the crying abated at times, but never the gasping whimpers.

Today another caretaker held him tenderly as he sobbed when Mom dropped him off. I commented, "Poor little guy. He was fine until last week. But now Dad has disappeared and he's afraid Mom will, too. He just doesn't understand." I felt a sudden burning in my eyes. I walked away, internally admonishing myself, "Don't you DARE lose it! Don't you dare cry when it's he and his mother and siblings who are bearing the burden!"

Fortunately, we're learning his new idiosyncrasies and today we were able to help him stop gasping/whimpering. Late in the day I held him in a nursing-like position as he clung to me in the throes of one of his minor waves of anxiety. But he soon relaxed and fell almost instantly asleep, his cheek resting on my chest. I could've kissed that angelic face, but resisted and sat there motionless, listening for the slow breaths of deep sleep indicating it was safe to lay him on a cot.

Stretched out there on the cot he was finally peaceful, and I was reminded again of the little warriors who don't enlist. Instead, they get drafted.

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Calling Allen

In comments on Uncle Jimbo's post at Blackfive about the resignation of the Secretary of the Army, Commenter Allen writes:

Oh, and if anyone wants to call me on my claim of that big name conservative and/or milbloggers avoided this story, point to coverage other than that of the past two days.

Gladly. Try here, here (coordinator of the Milblog Conferences), here, here, here, and here.

And that doesn't include the "second tier" bloggers who linked to those posts or wrote their own...

[I tried to respond to Allen in comments, but that number of links obviously kicks in Blackfive's spam filter.]

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Vent

It's so very hard to give it what it deserves. And yes, I know all about "faithfulness in small things," and I know that I should somehow be able to shine, but this is a catch-22.

There is nothing about this job that challenges or inspires me to grow.

If I have to listen to one more rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle sung off-key to "comfort" a child, I may... well, let's just say it's a good thing I'm not armed.

If I have to stand by one more time because I'm the "beginner" and bottom of the totem pole, watching people who have no clue how to single-handedly manage large groups of 5 to 7-year-old children in a classroom-type setting attempt to do so (and watch it all go to hell, ending with children being punished when it never should've gotten to the point of that being necessary)... again, glad to be unarmed.

If I have to spend one more week following confusing and conflicting instructions/procedures that seem to fly in the face of program goals...

If I have to continue guessing which "vitally important" procedures and rules are actually followed and which ones will offend someone if I follow them...

And I will have to again turn in "lesson" (activity) plans on a subject that is not my expertise (I have not been assigned the music unit) and that will--without exaggeration--never be used. And I will have to write them out by hand into the special form that is not on the computer.

It used to be that exceeding the standard allowed me to achieve surprising and valuable things. Now I have to be careful that I don't cause anyone to think I'm "lording a master's degree over them." And I have the joy of trying to learn to constantly monitor my conversation as I attempt to avoid use of polysyllabic words (no, that's not going very well. I used to get looks from fellow college students about the words that would occasionally drop from my lips in a casual conversation. Just imagine what it's like now).

/Vent

It's all so much harder to take when you're heart isn't truly invested...

Well, it has given me a chance to catch my financial breath and thus maybe find the energy and concentration to strongly pursue all the great ideas that have been shared with me. Kris, that resume may be on its way...

CLARIFICATION: The work I am doing is honorable, vital, and those who do it well are to be greatly respected; there are not enough people in this world who are good at it. it's just so not the work for me at this time in my life.

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